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Kay and anyone else [long and teary].
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Linda
I have up and down days also. Over the years I've made big changes
to the point of moving to another state to try to deal with the horse problems. [my 13 year old mare broke her leg at 4 from a kick when I asked the farm owner to not put her out with the geldings and had a life threatening hock injury from a kick when I asked the new farm owner to not put her out with the devil mare last fall and can't be out with other horses besides my old one, the boarding situation I was in was hopeless and my old horse never got the right feed or supplements so I got fed up and moved 400 miles away to have them at home, had to uproot everyone and get a new job, I could go on but I'll save it for another time] I'm glad I did what I did, whatever happens it will be me and my horses dealing with it. We each can only do what we can, my friend has a 48 year old pony being treated 7 years now for cushings. He has colicked many times, is blind and has chronic laminitis. sometimes I want to shake her and ask her what is she thinking but other times when I'd visit her I'd see "dapples" on a good day out and about, occasionally gallopping like a youngster. I've spent huge amounts of money on my 13 year old that has been basically unrideable beyond walking for years, I recently put her through some misery to cure her hock infection but ya know, I got on her today and we putzed around the pasture and she and my old horse have a gallop a few times a day and they love each other, she has been able to tolerate stall rest, surgery, painful treatment, living alone and takes it in stride. My old horse is one in a million but would rather be dead than spend one minute in a stall, or living alone or on a dry lot instead of pasture. to her, the horse I love more than any other, I promised her I would not make her do that. When it comes time that she can't live her life on her terms, I will end it for her, the part of her I love most will be the reason I put her down. My young horse I think differently about, she will endure quite a bit. both horses have kind of told me what they want from me, the young one will endure and the old one will ask for release. I think we might all have to ask our horses what they want and try our best to figure it out for them. I feel my heart breaking sometimes thinking about it, I hope I can do what my horses ask of me. Linda |
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Kay Howitt <akkray@...>
Linda, these are wise words and they help me to refocus. Today, I have been
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thinking too much about how it feels to me to be dealing with this. I need to think more about how it feels to my horse....and to listen to what he is telling me. He is still pretty happy, and has a good home and a good buddy (Icelandic gelding) to be with. If the time comes when he can only live inside, that would make him miserable. I have an old woman-friend who has been basically telling me the same thing...guess I haven't been listening well enough. It takes a lot of trust for me to feel confidant that I will know when it is time to say goodbye. That happened with my old dog last Spring...I did know because he told me unmistakeably. I have to trust that Domino will tell me, too, and he certainly hasn't yet. Thanks...I know talking about these things can stir up a lot of feelings for those of us who truly love our animals. Kay in AK Linda Borgo wrote: When it comes time that she can't live her life on her terms, I will |
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Susan Laflamme <f4mlatir@...>
Kay and Linda,
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In January Darby was in so much pain she was having such a hard time walking it would take me an hour to get her turned around and back into the barn. I was so scared. I was not ready to say goodbye and all I could think of was the fact that I wouldn't be able to bury her here at home because the ground was frozen. Darby was the very first horse my daughter had, we have had her for 13 years and I was so afraid of horses when we got her. My daughter joined pony club and we all learned. I treasure this horse because she brought my daughter through all kinds of things including those tough teen age years. We had no idea how old she was but she learned to do dressage, x-country and everything else that pony clubbers do,she must have been in her late 20's when we bought her. I never let her know that she is probably almost as old as me, her spirit is what see's her through her laminitis, she is not willing to give up although this last time she almost did. I recall getting so angry at her because she could not lift her foot, it hurt too much to put all her weight on the bad one.....I couldn't stand up straight because my back was so sore from trying to lift her darn feet.....I had a talk with her then I told her that she had to try and I couldn't do it alone but I couldn't give up either. I guess Darby was not ready to give up her spirit because she kept fighting too. I love this horse, I know now that when it is time to say goodbye I will know. I almost gave up on her because I could not stand to see her pain I am so thankful that we made it through that and she is doing well now. We take one day at a time and with a horse that is 40 years old each day is a wonderful gift. I still do not want to think about the end and my hope is that she will go peacefully in her sleep and spare me the anguish of making that decision. I can't imagine life without Darby she is such a part of our family. Sue At 04:55 PM 4/20/00 -0800, you wrote:
Linda, these are wise words and they help me to refocus. Today, I have been |
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